About a girl.

(no subject)

I realized recently that I would use this a lot more if my computer were in my living room or if I had a laptop.

I should be documenting my thoughts more often. Does anyone have a solution for this? (Besides the obvious)
About a girl.

(no subject)

Wow, I really need to dust this thing off. I'm realizing how important it is for me to talk about how I feel, whether or not someone else is reading it. For the longest time I started to feel shallow and selfish for doing this. In fact I don't think I've so much as signed in for nearly a year now.

It looks like things have changed quite a bit (that's not surprising) so it may take me some time to fiddle around and get used to it.

So. How is everyone doing?
About a girl.

(no subject)

I haven't been happy.


So I don't want to write.




But I'm around.


Not trying to be dramatic, just keeping it short and sweet?


Someone buy John Krasinski's jeans for me. Because discovering this auction for some reason has been the most exciting thing to happen to me this week.



Okay, seriously. I didn't want to log in here anymore because all I every type about is the job I hate, the health I don't have, the baby I haven't conceived, etc. And I'm so tired of my self absorbed pity.
Things are not tragic, but I'm creating a prison for myself with all my negativity. I'm sorry I've subjected everyone to it.

Thank goodness for a few gems in my life, that keep me smiling and give me so much hope. Thank goodness for them.
About a girl.

My power of persuasion has earned me

...an air conditioner. Actually, two of them!

And by persuasion I guess I mean incessant moaning and fussing unconsciously in my sleep. The first 90 degree day, Mike set up three large fans in the living room and we each took a side of the sectional. I don't recall making such a racket, but I do know that I had to take a cold shower at 3 a.m. to reset my body temperature. I kept wondering how long he'd keep up his ridiculous charade of denying our comfort to sleep in the living room with 3 ancient fans.

He called me at work the next day and said we'd be going off to buy one for the living room and one for the bedroom as soon as I got home.


It's so much more pleasant in here! I can't sleep though.

Unrelated to the temperature in here... my new boss starts tomorrow and I'm anxious about her first impression of me. That, and whether I like her or not, I hope I won't be there for long. I finished an application earlier to become a professional dog groomer. I am full of energy and excitement. I am so proud of myself for taking the step to apply and for getting over my fears of being happy. I feel so silly for being so excited about cutting clumps of hair off of dogs butts. But I love being around animals (hell, I have 11 of my own) and most professions dealing with animals are pretty tragic. Besides, if it's where my heart is, I should just go for it.

I'm going to try out this whole "do what you love and the money will come" deal.

Somebody tell me to shut up and go to bed.
About a girl.

I'm just gonna type and see what happens.

I want to get back to babbling about things again. It makes me feel better, I think.

Just a few side notes:
-Yay Obama.
-I'm still vegan (one year in August!)
-My sister and her man bought a HOUSE!
-I've become addicted to The Office.
-I can't read enough books lately.


It's also come to my attention that I am going to be miserable for the next week. It will be in the 90's and full of Rochester's famous humidity. We have no air conditioners in this old house we're renting, and the room we sleep in is almost unbearable already... in 60 degree weather! It gets so warm and stuffy in there, and I have two fans going. I should probably mention that I need to be really cold to sleep comfortably. So I'm freaking out about next week. (Actually, tomorrow... because that's when it's going to start!) I thought this would be the perfect way to be greener, and not have an air conditioner, but I've lived in air conditioned spaces all my life. Mike prefers not to have one, and it makes me crazy. And I'm not sure that having 8 fans going all night long in the same room will be very green, either.
I went to EnergyStar.gov for info, but there are over 800 models, so I guess it's not that difficult to find one. I may just have to buy one and install it so he has no say. Or he will have a very unpleasant bed mate this summer.

I discovered that I have a deep love for Barnes & Noble. I also discovered that I walk out of Borders disappointed and full of hate every time I go. I think one of the last times I went, I used the restroom and bought colored pencils just because I liked the case they were in. Other than that I wanted to set the place on fire. It was so disorganized and they never have what I want, and they can't even order it!

But Barnes & Noble makes me smile. I feel good when I walk around in there, kind of like how I feel in a craft store or a home decorating store. I just get this exciting vibe. If you haven't seen it already, they have the most incredible photography book called Creature. It's the work of photographer Andrew Zuckerman and the images are so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes. You can see some of the images on the website, and sadly it fails to show my favorite ones... of a moluccan cockatoo.
Anyway, I realized in my recent trips to the bookstore that I've grown to loathe fiction. I can't stand all the campy titles and dramatic images. Stacey and I like to go into the bookstores to judge books by their cover. I like to go and judge books by their genre.

I'm also pretty partial to the gift sections. I can't help myself when I'm surrounded by snazzy journals and magnetic poetry. I just lose myself in it.

Now I'm going to go try to clean my room. Ugh. It's the "beauty and craft room" as my friend Kelli has dubbed it. But right now i's the "messy and crap room" for sure.

xoxo
Planning

Why hello there.

I had a strange urge to update today. I haven't so much as logged into LJ in weeks.

I am still as stressed as ever at work. I am the only full time person there, so it's difficult to pick up the pieces some days. Rumor is that we have a new manager. I fear that I'll resent her because she's an external hire and I'll have to train the woman who will oversee my work.

But.

I am going to be actively looking for a new job. Mike and I have been trying to conceive, and I don't want to risk anything given my stress level.

I can tell this job is affecting me, because my sister has been (bless her heart) calling me with job prospects that she finds. It's nowhere near how awful I felt at Verizon Wireless, but it's still more than I want to take on if I want a healthy pregnancy. With the new manager things might get better, but I know myself well enough to be realistic... just in case.

Things with Mike have been great. He has a lot of stress at his job too, but he's working through it and we are supportive of each other in our down time.

He constantly reminds me that I don't have a hobby or anything to look forward to. It aches to think that I refrain from making time for things I love. I just don't know what I love to do anymore. I want so badly to take a good yoga class. I also want to take a cake decorating class. I think I'd be good at it. My friend Kelli wants to open a vegan bakery, so she says. She mentioned this to me after a few weeks of wondering aloud if I should seek out a cake decorating class. It seemed like it was meant to be! Yet, I am still needing to do something more during the week. On a day-to-day basis, there should be something that I look forward to. I'm trying to figure out what that will be.

I hope you didn't forget about me and that I'll be back very soon. :)
About a girl.

Meh.

Hi. Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies. I just had a nice visit with my mom.

I've been reluctant to write because I am so afraid of my real feelings lately. I'm starting to hate my job (as usual) and I feel like I can't make all the pieces fit. In order to see Mike and have a healthy relationship with him, I need to find a 9-5. I am looking for some type of reception work. I've been dreaming of becoming a dog groomer but I don't know where to start with that either.

Mike and I are so testy and short with each other because we're stressed. We never see each other and it's tough on our relationship. I was promoted at work and only weeks later, my boss quit. So now I'm running things, and I want to pull my hair out. I have no official title change to replace her, but I'm still doing all that work.

I am making a promise to myself to do something conducive to a healthy life. Healthier anyway.


This is why I don't update though... I just whine the whole time.
About a girl.

"The year of the appliance" or "I'm getting old".

I decided recently that 2008 has been definitively for me, the Year of the Appliance. It all started with my juicer, which you all know I loved. I also purchased a hand mixer for baking. I have literally never used one before. I may have been one of the only women in 2005 not to register for a KitchenAid stand mixer. It practically changed my life (okay not really) even being a $12 crap hand mixer from Wal-Mart. (Or was it $6.00? Hmm...)

I bought Mike a crock-pot/slow cooker thingie for Christmas. We took it out of the box and put it in a cupboard and I haven't seen it since.

But beyond that, the latest installment of "things Carisa doesn't need" was actually given as a gift. Stacey bought me a Mr. Coffee iced tea maker for my birthday. She observed my frequent unsweetened iced tea intake at restaurants and viola, that became my gift. IT IS AWESOME.

I can't stop using it. I am already planning my tea of the day for tomorrow. But this doesn't seem a new phase in my life so much as the next step. Being an old married lady means simplifying my life with a bunch of plug-in-food-making nonsense. If loving this appliance-dependent step is wrong, well... you know the rest.

I had a small family and friends filled birthday celebration. It was a lot of fun despite my constant worry that everyone was having a good time. My friend Nella and her husband came, she's 30 weeks pregnant with her first baby. She's been really ill so I was thrilled that she showed up, and she stayed practically all night.

I don't have much for pictures, but here's some of what was in my camera.


Vegan breakfast sandwiches. I was proud of them.


Birthday Eve party.
Before everyone arrived, my hair looking A MESS.
Been a bit self-tanner crazed lately, too. Yikes.


(This is what I looked like a year ago that day.)


I tried to take a picture of my dress.


On to the food.

I made vegan red velvet cupcakes.


I also made vegan peanut butter potato chip cookies dipped in chocolate.
These were SO popular. I was really surprised how fast they went.


Then the cakes began to arrive. I was so spoiled!

My friends Kelli and Cory made me a vegan raspberry chocolate cake.


My mother-in-law made me two vegan chocolate cakes. This one was gorgeous.


At work on Monday Joe brought in a vegan strawberry espresso Hello Kitty cake!


And this is my mom did my hair on Tuesday. Lighter and shorter.



Hopefully that won't be all from me. I'm hoping to update more often.
About a girl.

Breaking that damn hiatus.

This was not an intentional leave of absence from LJ. I just got lazy. Too lazy even, to complain about my life.


I thought that if I posted once very quickly, it might get me back on track.



Maybe.
Hamster Implants

Not this again.

Hi guys. It's Sunday.

Congratulations to my LJ friend, the beautiful latemove on her marriage!

Poll #1139885 I know, who cares, right? Well, I do.

Dark, lighter or lightest?

7(21.2%)
15(45.5%)
11(33.3%)



I don't know if it was obvious enough by the picture I took of when I cut my own hair (just trimmed about 1-2 inches off) but I've clearly let my hair color go. Most of it is just not knowing what to do next with it. When it's really dark I feel too severe and plain. When it's really light I feel trashy. When it's in-between I feel, well... in-between and that is just it.
Thank you for taking a second to do it, because it's easy and not important.

A woman can feel on top of the world when having a good hair day. It's been studied and proven. I have great resources at hand and no ideas. I just feel like I need a lift I guess. It's all this blah weather and this blah feeling about me altogether.


I want to join a yoga studio in the area, but I am not coming up with good results. Most of them are in a snobby-asshole area that is about a 15 minute drive and I don't really feel like doing yoga with all the women who have nothing better to do while their husbands are working. They're all in their 40's with too much jewelry, makeup and money and "OH it's SUCH a burden!". I went to a gym in that area before and I always left feeling so hostile.

I live in such a rich, cultured area that I was hoping to find a place around here that if not within walking distance, is at least only a few blocks away and has a few of us normal types in it.

I am just such a Debbie Downer today. I swear I keep looking out the window and wanting to crawl back into bed. I need some SUNSHINE in my life.